outerfringe | @hardlydead

[ at first, when he'd come to, david had made the logical assumption: it was one hell of a weird fucking dream. he must've gotten jumped or passed out drunk after making a tit of himself at the airport, he's laying on the damp grass in the same park he'd walked to after, except. it didn't feel that recent. it felt years passed. like the more he tried to piece together why he was there, the more space filled in the gaps. ]

[ the whole fucking year after was just picking up the scraps of his life while trying to figure out what to do with his memories of the fog. people asked where he'd been and he told them not to worry about it, and even the rare subset who cared tried not to push because they could see the way he'd changed. harrowed was the word rik liked to use. but he went back to his old work, back to his old flat, and the more dead social media accounts he found with familiar names, the better he got at wearing a costume of his old self. ]

[ so, needless to say, when he gets a call that there's "some beardy american" looking for him, jeff is literally the last person he expects when he comes in and greets the bartender with a broad "who's the poor sod lookin' to scrap then?" ]

[ it stops him in his tracks when they point him in jeff's direction and david sees his face. christ, he missed that face. over a year and david still thinks about him more than anyone else. his eyes start to sting and he takes a deep breath before he walks on over and forces a grin onto his face. ]

They told me it was an American looking for me.

[ he's doing his best to tone his accent back down for jeff's benefit, but it's been a long time since he had to do that either. it doesn't come naturally anymore. ]

[Jeff hears David before he sees him and nearly gives himself whiplash with the way his head snaps in that direction. Somehow, just like he never thought he'd really escape the trials, he never really thought he would find David. The whole trip was meant to be an endeavor at laying that idea to rest. To let him move on.

But now David's there, and there's a sudden ringing in Jeff's ears so loud he wonders if he's been hit over the head with another bottle.

He stares at David, stunned and mute, before he finally manages:]

I'm still from Canada.

[ he doesn't know what kind of a reaction he was hoping for, but that wasn't it, and it makes it hard for david to keep up the fake enthusiasm. david stares back, far too long for it to be anything other than awkward, and then abruptly he looks down and away. ]

Yeah, yeah I know. That's--

[ he swallows, staying focused on this poor attempt at humour to keep himself afloat. there's too many questions otherwise, too many things he'd buried deep that he can feel already gripping at his ankles to pull him under. ]

I thought it was funny.

It was.

[There are people looking at them. Watching, if lazily, like they're hoping to see the two of them get antagonistic. Jeff tries to talk again and suddenly, desperately wishes he'd prepared at all what he wanted to say.]

I'm glad. That you're alright. [His tongue feels like sandpaper. David might have looked away, but Jeff can't stop staring.] We couldn't be sure.

[But that's as much as he'll say while they're in public, might be too much already. He wonders if this was a mistake.]

-you got time for a drink? In town for a couple more days if there's better timing.

I--

[ he starts and stops just as abruptly, so deeply unsure of himself. eyes on him are nothing new, but right now david feels exposed, deeply and painfully aware of himself. ]

I've got time.

[ david smiles, and turns to go order a pair of ales, dismissing the bartender's questions before they're even out of his mouth. all he has space on his mind for is trying to figure out what to say to jeff, desperately trying to cobble words together in his head to tell jeff how much he missed him. anything except acting like this was all fine and normal, the way he was hardwired to. ]

[ there's a table that's free. or it is after david fixes the occupants with a harsh "clear off" and they take their drinks and hastily scurry away — benefits of a venue where he's a known element, he supposes — and he gestures for jeff to join him once he's set the drinks down. it's just slightly harder for nosey bastards to listen in this way. ]

[He can't help his own chuckle when he watches David effortlessly clear the table, and for a split second it's like things are fine. Like they're just two normal dudes reconnecting.

Jeff joins him, taking the ale with a grateful mumble, and uses inspecting it to hide the sudden burn in his eyes. Fuck, alright. That wouldn't do. How many hours had they spent curled into each other? How many times had Jeff allowed himself to be vulnerable and come out fine?

He swallows a mouthful of the ale, and then a second.]

Didn't know how to ask. If you'd wanna be found. So... hey.

[ david takes a big drink of his pint, a good third of the glass gone when he sets it back down, like that'll stave off the awkwardness or his warring instincts. all it gives him instead is a very sudden belch that he only just manages to cover his mouth for. not the most attractive he's ever been, but jeff's literally seen his insides, what's some gas after that? ]

I looked for you. I looked for all of you.

[ that comes out suddenly too, before david's even aware of the words forming in his mind they're out of his mouth like an apology. he knows rationally he hasn't done anything wrong, but he still feels guilty. maybe he should've listened more to élodie, then he could've found a way to get jeff out of there-- to get them all out of there. ]

[ he looks down at his glass, taps his fingers on the side of it with a frown. and then when he looks back at jeff it's with half a tired smile. ]

Fuckin' insane finding Yun-Jin's Instagram after that.

[ photos of her and the trickster. smiling, posing at events. that was weird to scroll through knowing where they both were now. ]

[The belch makes him smile in a way that feels like stretching an unused muscle. It's such a weird and normal thing, lances through some of his own crippling nerves about this. About all of it.]

Jake left right after you. Then Claudette. Ash and Cheryl a little while before me. No one really knew...

[Had they just given up? Was the Entity losing its hold on them for some unseen reason? Jeff shakes his head, figures David can probably piece it together.

He takes a breath, tries to look amused.]

I found a yearbook with most of Legion in it. Fucking weird, man.

[ part of him hopes maybe the entity was dying or some shit, lost its grip on everything it had swallowed up, but he knows that's not the case. something in his gut tells him he was let go on purpose. did it send its killers back too? was the nurse just out there, ~~causing insane discourse on reddit~~ floating about now? ]

[ that was too much. this is almost too much and for the most part it's... good? yeah. no more killer talk or thoughts, just whatever's going on here. ]

... I can't believe you actually went around askin' for me.

[ he says it with a small laugh, leaning back in his chair, but there's a bit of concern in there too. it's not like david hangs around with the most reputable of people. ]

Said I would. Man of my word, you know?

[But the extremely casual way he says this fails to share the fact that he's not been back very long at all, how much he's been struggling since the moment he woke up. Jeff had always felt like an outsider, but now he feels like a ghost in this world.

He takes a long pull of his drink, mirroring David's from earlier, and shakes his head when the glass drops back to the tabletop. It's actually stupid that after everything they've been through, this still manages to make his throat clog uncomfortably.

Jeff doesn't know how to say that he was expecting to lay a memory to rest- not to actually find him.

He suddenly looks like he's ready to stand.]

Sorry, man. Butting in out of my depth.

No--

[ it comes out panicked, rushed, david sitting up straight and reaching to grab jeff's arm the second it looks like he might be getting up. doesn't quite make contact, his brain butts in that if he touches jeff and he's solid then this is real. everything he went through is real in a way he can't just put in a box and push aside. jeff is real, and if he leaves then david's really just gone and let another good man slip through his fingers. ]

[ he doesn't know if he can handle that, not yet, but he knows he can't handle just letting him just get up walk away. ]

[ and honestly the idea kind of pisses him off. what he wants to do is tell jeff how much he missed him, but anger's easier than it ever has been for david and once there's that first spark of it, it's impossible not to follow it. he leans toward the other man, elbow on the table. ]

You're just gonna leave? After everything-- After getting on a fucking plane and asking around half the city? "Well David's alive, guess I'll fuck off then" like you're just having a peep in on someone's pet?

[Jeff isn't afraid of anger. He used to be, maybe, when he was small, when his parents communicated mostly in raised voices and slammed doors, but he's not anymore. He reckons anger is just fear with a different hat most of the time, anyway.

Today the anger helps. A little, at least - David wouldn't be angry about him leaving if he wanted him gone, and so he doesn't push the issue. Just settles back in his seat, one hand up, palm out apologetically.]

Alright, no, yeah.

[There's an implicit apology there when Jeff tries to meet his eyes.]

Just got worried I was - overstepping. I didn't think I'd actually be able to find you. Glad I did, just-

[A breath.]

I didn't prepare. It's been a long time.

[ that makes him deflate pretty quickly, the apology in jeff's body language more than anything he actually says, though the words help too. he chews his lip, eyes focusing in on the wall, he ignores the glances they're getting and the fact he knows people are trying to figure out what's going on. ]

Year and a half, thereabouts. I found, uh... Some unsolved mystery bullshit about Ormond, found your name in the liner notes for a few bands-- that gave me headaches, by the way.

[ that part he says with a small breath of a laugh, but when he looks at jeff it's with an expression that's just kind of sad. ]

After a while of nothing I gave up. Maybe it was just some kinda fucked up dream and I spent those years in some sicko's basement or some shit, I dunno.

[ he figures he doesn't need to tell jeff the natural conclusion there; that david halfway convinced himself he never existed in the first place. ]

I just got back. Um. A month or two ago, I guess.

[The passage of time is still an extremely strange concept. His old job wasn't there, but he'd been able to stretch out what savings he had. He's picked up little jobs freelancing, tapped a few old connections who'd wondered where he'd gone. The only answer he had known how to give was "off the grid."

He rubs at his face, tries this again.]

Can't believe I crossed an ocean to find you and you immediately start shitting on my friends' bands. Wow. I really am leaving.

[He really isn't.]

It wasn't immediate.

[ that's easier, especially in public. david smirks and gestures to jeff's empty glass on the table. ]

Bought you a drink first.

Fair enough.

[Jeff ducks his head with a laugh.]

Think your friends are wondering who the hell I am.

Fuck 'em.

[ that's his opinion. he doesn't even like these guys anyway. he'd rather spend his time talking to jeff than navigating that whole situation. ]

Pass.

[He's trying so hard to be casual and dismissive, joking. Jovial. These are just two guys catching up after a long time apart.]

You want a refill?

Yeah-- thanks.

[ he smiles, and it's kinda awkward but they both are right now. david doesn't really know what to do about that. ]

[Jeff takes a bracing breath, then claps David on the shoulder as he passes. He tries to collect himself as he waits for their beers and gives David an apologetic look as he sits back down.]

Get shitfaced and go for a walk?

[ david does much the same while jeff's done. unconsciously smooths down his shirt as he stares at the table and takes a couple of deep breaths. ]

Sounds better than whatever this is.

[ it's uncomfortable is what it is. it's driving him insane. ]

[Jeff nods at that, not sitting down yet.]

Y'all do shots in Manchester?

[ he laughs and gives jeff a look as if to say "what do you take this for?" ]

'Course.

[Look, he's doing his best to be lighthearted here. Jeff drains the glass and indicates for David to follow him to the bar.]

[ he very nearly puts a hand on jeff's back as they walk, but on second thought beer good. beer doesn't come with complicated feelings. david tips that pint back, and by the time they reach the bar he's planting down an empty glass and gesturing to jeff when the bartender gives him a confused look. ]

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