outerfringe | @hardlydead

@hardlydead

[One day David simply stops appearing by the fire with the rest of them, and Jeff does his very best to be relieved for him. There are only two real possible reasons for that, right? Either he'd actually died for real, or he'd managed to find a way back home- and either way, it meant that he was out of this place. Jeff tries to be happy for him, and for the most part, he is.

He doesn't think about David at all the first day after he wakes up on the cold floor of the Ormond resort, back stiff and jacket crusted with frost. Instead he's too busy finding his way back to town, organizing arrangements to make it home. His apartment key no longer works, he recognizes none of his neighbors, but his bank account was still somehow in alright standing.

Jeff finds a new place. He does not find a new dog.

He feels weird about creating a Facebook account just to check for David, but he does it anyway. When that comes up fruitless, he thinks a lot about the conversations the two of them had while tucked close together in the dark. Wonders if David would even want to be found by someone like him, to be faced with a reminder of the time they'd spent doing everything they could to simply survive.

Jeff tries to paint but can't seem to pull himself out of severe blacks and reds. Tries to catch up on the music he'd missed from the bands he'd loved but it fails to soothe him the way it had before. He considers a therapist, and then decides that he'd be locked away the second he was candid enough for someone to actually help him.

So he packs some things, books a flight. Finds himself at his fifth seedy pub in three days without much hope - except this time when he says he's looking for David King, the big guy by the bar makes a point of sizing him up. Jeff sets his shoulders, frowns and promises that he's an old friend, but it doesn't seem to affect much the scowl on the guy's face. He says something (that Jeff completely misses, he can barely understand a goddamn thing when people here are drunk and loud), but seems to indicate for him to wait.

Which he does. He parks on a stool with a drink, assumes his most unapproachable aura, and waits. He doesn't know who he's expecting to appear, but it's not David.

There's not a chance it would actually be that simple.]

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[He'd considered it, actually, when he'd begun to grieve his father. It was an alien concept when he'd returned from the fog, found his father's still empty and dusty house, the guitar left for him still in it.

It felt just a little bit like he'd been cheated out of processing his grief for him.

Jeff sighs, pulls his hair loose just so he can tie it up again, something that by now is probably an obvious nervous habit.]

Thanks. For getting me out of there.

Course.

[ it wasn't like it was hard, and jeff would do the same. david looks down at the ground as they walk, kicks an empty bottle with a thoughtful frown. part of him thinks maybe therapy would be good for jeff anyway, but another part of him has visions of jeff in a straitjacket being wheeled away for the sheer insanity of what he's saying. ]

[ there's gotta be a middle ground or something though, right. he clears his throat. ]

I'm, uh. I'm not a therapist obviously, but if you need to talk. [ he shrugs ] I'm here.

Nah. [The dismissal comes pretty much immediately, and Jeff winces slightly with it.] I just mean - you're dealing with it, too. Not really right to ask that of you.

[ david shakes his head. he's not gonna push jeff to talk about it, but that just seems silly to him. ]

I've got a year up on you dealing with it. [ also-- ] And you're not asking anything of me, I'm offering.

[He watches his own feet, uncertain. Silent for a long stretch, before finally-]

Guess I just get- I don't know. Flashbacks? Hallucinations? It's exhausting, man.

[ he makes a soft noise of understanding, nodding a little and also looking down at the ground as they walk. ]

It's rough. Trying to just... Get on with it like this shit is normal.

[ it's been years since he had a conversation like this with anyone-- hell, jeff was probably the last one, but he's trying to find that sweet spot of just. making him feel comfortable enough to keep going, talk just enough himself to keep things rolling. ]

... wonder a lot about the people around me. How many people have seen stuff, you know? And just stay quiet about it.

[Obviously there were very few cases like theirs - it was impossible to hide the disappearance and re-emergence into society, but, still. How many were out there nursing their own trauma in secret, worried that bringing it to light would make them look unhinged?]

You tell anyone? Since you've been back.

Fuck no.

[ he shakes his head emphatically. even the shit they'd learned there, the stuff that elodie and felix and haddie used to go on about, it all got filed away. ]

'Til you showed up I was halfway to convincing myself it never even happened. Maybe it was some fucked up dream 'cause I didn't want to know what really happened to me.

-- you thought it might have been a self-preservation hallucination? [Sorry, this is the first thing that's startled Jeff out of that gray shell of surprise trauma. He laughs once, a sharp sound.] Your brain sending you teammates like me and Ace?

[ david laughs too, but he could probably justify it if he had to. gone over it a million different ways in his head. it's both a relief and something that feels him with a cold dread if he thinks about it, knowing it was all real. ]

Why not imagine a guy who's sweet and funny and handsome?

--Oh right, and you were there too.

[ he grins and nudges jeff with his elbow. a+ comedy. ]

Seems like a no-brainer to conjure up some better fighters for your team, at least. [Jeff nudges him back. Still shaky, but at least they're acknowledging where they had been - this feels less like running away.] Blame all the rugby, maybe.

[ he snorts ] Tryin' to tell me only someone who'd taken many hits to the head could think up some of those people?

[ david's a little more earnest when he goes on, glancing back down at the ground. ]

I mean, if I was thinking up people to keep me going... That's you then, innit?

[He's not thinking about the time they spent by the fire, or further out in the woods. His mind is partially still out in the trial it had been dragged so firmly to earlier.]

What? I was just glad when I wasn't a liability.

[ david makes an amused noise, kind of relieved jeff didn't latch on to that honestly, and shakes his head. ]

Helpful more often than not. More than I can say for some.

[ subtweeting yun-jin even though she could eviscerate him with her words if she knew ]

Always hated it, you know? Showing up in a trial, seeing you there. Probably improved my odds of getting out, but...

[He kicks at a stone as they walk, his expression thoughtful.]

Got hard not to just follow you around.

[ that throws him off and david's quiet for a second, thinking of the times he had to make sure not to hover around jeff just in case. about times he knew jeff was in danger and had to fight himself not to bolt across the ground to try and get in there. ]

[ thinks about patching up jeff with bloody hands and his fists clench in his pockets. ]

S'what I was there for. [ he shrugs a shoulder, trying to shake those thoughts off. ] Least if you were there I knew someone was gonna actually be doing something.

[A grim sort of relief accompanies the abrupt knowledge that, with any luck, he'll never have to see David impaled on something ever again.]

Who hasn't panicked and hid in a locker for half an hour, really.

[It might be deadpan, but it is sarcasm.]

Guess you just have to be really, really sure the killer's not around. Could be physically impossible, but you can't be too sure.

[ similarly deadpan. he'd definitely considered giving someone up when they spent a whole trial hiding once or twice, but ultimately he got it. even if it pissed him off. ]

[Jeff chuckles quietly, his eyes down still as they walk together.]

Nice to really see a sunrise, though. Looking forward to snowfall.

Yeah? You a fan of the snow?

[ ... "are you a fan of the snow" jesus christ. he's changed his mind throw him back in the trials murder him immediately. ]

[he's heard british people liked to talk about the weather, it's fine]

Kind of ambivalent, I guess. Something about it feels - cleansing, maybe. Silly.

[And now he's kind of embarrassed himself, too. Drifted a little close to Artsy Hipster.]

Nah, I get it.

[ he's quiet a moment or two while he tries to find the words for what he thinks jeff means anyway. ]

Like a fresh sheet, yeah? Then it washes everything away when it thaws.

Bit like that, yeah.

[Jeff takes a breath, bracing, and then kind of laughs again. It's humorless, but not unkind.]

If you wanna wait to visit, y'know? It's fine. It might take me some time to get my shit together. [mentally.]

Not for nothing, but if I cared about you having your shit together I would've let you leave at the bar.

[ he offers jeff a small smile and another nudge. he's teasing, but it's not a lie. ]

[OOC: You're welcome to ignore this if you'd like. Traveling a lot the past month :)]

[Jeff glances sidelong at him, expression quietly appreciative. He nudges back, shoulders continuing to relax.]

Just trying to butter me up enough to watch those movies.

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