@hardlydead

[outerfringe]

[One day David simply stops appearing by the fire with the rest of them, and Jeff does his very best to be relieved for him. There are only two real possible reasons for that, right? Either he'd actually died for real, or he'd managed to find a way back home- and either way, it meant that he was out of this place. Jeff tries to be happy for him, and for the most part, he is.

He doesn't think about David at all the first day after he wakes up on the cold floor of the Ormond resort, back stiff and jacket crusted with frost. Instead he's too busy finding his way back to town, organizing arrangements to make it home. His apartment key no longer works, he recognizes none of his neighbors, but his bank account was still somehow in alright standing.

Jeff finds a new place. He does not find a new dog.

He feels weird about creating a Facebook account just to check for David, but he does it anyway. When that comes up fruitless, he thinks a lot about the conversations the two of them had while tucked close together in the dark. Wonders if David would even want to be found by someone like him, to be faced with a reminder of the time they'd spent doing everything they could to simply survive.

Jeff tries to paint but can't seem to pull himself out of severe blacks and reds. Tries to catch up on the music he'd missed from the bands he'd loved but it fails to soothe him the way it had before. He considers a therapist, and then decides that he'd be locked away the second he was candid enough for someone to actually help him.

So he packs some things, books a flight. Finds himself at his fifth seedy pub in three days without much hope - except this time when he says he's looking for David King, the big guy by the bar makes a point of sizing him up. Jeff sets his shoulders, frowns and promises that he's an old friend, but it doesn't seem to affect much the scowl on the guy's face. He says something (that Jeff completely misses, he can barely understand a goddamn thing when people here are drunk and loud), but seems to indicate for him to wait.

Which he does. He parks on a stool with a drink, assumes his most unapproachable aura, and waits. He doesn't know who he's expecting to appear, but it's not David.

There's not a chance it would actually be that simple.]

Comments

[hardlydead]

[ museums are nice. david nods, smiles but it's another one of those that don't reach his eyes, and pulls himself up to go recover his shirt. (one day he'll wear it again.) pausing when he has it in his hands, thumbs rubbing circles over the fabric-- of all the things to go through his mind, he can hear rik's fucking voice calling him out on being the same avoidant piece of shit he's always been (in a nicer, much more roundabout way, mind,) and david sighs. he owes jeff better than this. ]

Look, I-- [ he looks down at the shirt in his hands and exhales. here fucking goes. ] I'm a loudmouth, never learned to back down from a fight but I sure as fuck learned to start 'em, never learned when to stop drinking neither. I can't cook-- barely got my shit together when it comes to cleaning up after myself.

[ it all tumbles out, almost doesn't stop for breath. he knows what's wrong with him and it's not a short list, this is all surface level shit really but it pushes people away. hardly anyone gets to know him well enough for the deeper issues to factor in. ]

[ ... but there's one big thing he keeps trying to avoid, but that one... jeff needs to know that. david takes a deep breath, eyes cast down and away. he doesn't think he's ever even said the words out loud. ]

I'm, uh... I'm gay, but I've never told anyone. And I've only been with one bloke other than you.

[ he could laugh honestly, it's not even everything, but it's something right? something that explains why he's the way he is, why he expects jeff to walk away once he gets to know him. ]

[ as an afterthought, with the barest hint of humour, he adds: ] Oh-- and my degree's in Classics. Barely passed too 'cause I was putting all my time into rugby.

[outerfringe]

[Jeff falls silent when it starts to spill out. Goes still, but his expression is attentive while he watches David, letting him just talk. None of the first bits surprise him, really, if only because those are all extremely human faults. Definitely not dealbreakers.

The actual confession mostly just makes his chest ache for David's sake. He doesn't really have much of a way to commiserate there - he'd recognized his own bisexuality pretty young, and that was only one of a million things he'd never bothered discussing with his parents.

He'd had the luxury of his own sexuality being entirely inconsequential.

Jeff stands up, face still carefully neutral while he approaches. If allowed, he'll just pull David close in a way that's a little clumsy, but absolutely sincere.]

Why'd you go into Classics?

[what does that even mean, he went to art school]

[hardlydead]

[ there's a hint of panic to his expression when jeff stands, that same kind as when he'd stumbled over apologies after a bottle of acrid whiskey and a fumbled attempt at a kiss. he feels a need to apologise and walk it back that's intense enough it forms a painful lump in his throat. ]

[ but then jeff pulls him close and david relaxes into it, slips his arms around him in turn and buries his face against jeff's shoulder. ]

I liked the stories.

[ he says it with a weak laugh, it feels stupidly childish. but it's more or less the truth. ]

[outerfringe]

Good reason.

[His voice is soft, gentle as he presses a kiss to the side of David's head. Squeezes him a little more tightly, lingers quietly there for a bit, before trying-]

Doesn't bother me, you know. Our business is our business. If you want people to know we're- whatever, or not. Not gonna hurt my feelings, if you're worried about that.

[He gets it, how it could be important for a lot of people. Most people. But Jeff was always a pretty private guy before the fog, and it didn't exactly change his outlook on that.]

[hardlydead]

[ god he's so fucking lucky, he doesn't even understand it. it's terrifying in some ways, david doesn't think he'd do well if he lost this a second time. not now that it's real. now he's opened up like this. ]

I... think that's shit I've gotta figure out still.

[ he doesn't think he wants to go parading jeff around, for starters he's pretty sure jeff would hate that, but he doesn't want to feel like he has to hide all the time either. ]

[outerfringe]

[Lucky is the last thing that Jeff would have ever called either of them. He's not sure what they are (though with that admission, it does feel a lot more like they are something), but he does know that people usually get a shot at happiness without the trauma bonding to go with it.

He nods mutely, rubs David's arm while he does.]

Yeah, man. Take your time.

[hardlydead]

[ he lifts his head, pulling back just enough to be able to look at jeff. it feels impossible to overstate just how fond he is of this man right now. ]

Just don't wanna feel like I've gotta hide, y'know?

[outerfringe]

Yeah. You can - dunno. Test drive it in Canada.

[Jeff, meanwhile, wouldn't be able to overstate the protectiveness he feels.]

I live in a decent town. Besides, doubt anyone's got the balls to say shit to a couple of guys who look like us.

[hardlydead]

[ david breathes a soft laugh and nods. ] That's true.

[ he feels calmer now, not completely rid of the tension, but he'll get there. in the meantime he smiles at jeff and leans close for a kiss. ]

Thank you.

[outerfringe]

Yeah.

[Jeff leans into the kiss, prolongs it just slightly, but doesn't chase it for anything deeper.]

C'mon. Museums. Let's go.

[hardlydead]

[ david backs up a little so he can put his shirt on. ]

Footie museum, yeah?

[ he's joking, he can't imagine jeff even pretending to enjoy that one. ]

[outerfringe]

[or he could just walk around shirtless, is what Jeff will think but never say.]

Sure. It's good?

[When you are still only very recently away from a place where your only entertainment options are trials and other deeply traumatized survivors, your bar lowers]

[hardlydead]

Yeah, sure. If you care about football.

[ he thinks maybe the science museum is maybe more jeff's speed? though it occurs to him as he thinks that he doesn't really know what jeff's interests even are. it's not like his whole personality is gonna be metal and homebrewed beer. ]

whatcha think, timeskip or wrap?

[outerfringe]

Not really? But it's probably historical, too, right. Don't mind that.

[He wonders if he should pack up the game, decides against it. Museums will probably be enough.]

🤔 i'm greedy so obviously my vote is timeskip

[hardlydead]

[ david comes back in close once his shirt's back on, hands coming to rest on jeff's hips, a lightly teasing smile on his face. ]

We could do the science and industry, or the main gallery. [ shrug ] There's a lot of choice.

works for me

[outerfringe]

Could try the science and industry, see how your hangover's treating you? [His own hands raise to rest lightly on David's upper arms.]

but to when is the real question

[hardlydead]

Yeah, sounds good.

[ he's not overly fussed, he figures he's gonna be bored wherever they go because he's just Like That, but at least if jeff enjoys it then it's worth it. first though, he closes the tiny bit of space between them and leans in for a kiss because he's not gonna be able to do that for a few hours. ]

[outerfringe]

[And Jeff will try to gently tip that into "mild making out for a while," just because he's also aware that they'll have to keep a friendly distance between them when they're out.]

(ooc: jeff needs to be less chill so they can have actual conflict... could just do the end of the day post all day date, or we could manufacture some drama? travel issues or trauma breakdown, they've both got baskets of issues lol)

[hardlydead]

[ and they do indeed make out for a little while because how could david possibly turn that down. it's impossible. ]

[ the museum is... well, it's a museum, it's cool. david has no particular thoughts about it. he's been through many a school trip here and it looks nicer but surprisingly little of the content has actually changed in the last fifteen years or so. it's not until they wander through into the exhibit about Manchester's history with mining that david starts to feel uneasy. ]

[ some of the things on display are familiar to him before he even realises why, a photo of a mining tunnel makes his skin crawl and it takes longer than he'd like to realise it's because trapper's turf was a mining estate. but he's had a while to box up his trauma and put it on a shelf; not dealt with but easier to ignore. ]

[ he shifts his attention to the people milling around, tries to get a good look at jeff without being obvious about it. ]

it's perfect

[outerfringe]

[Jeff, meanwhile, knows immediately why the exhibit makes him uncomfortable. His relative silence has, up until now, been pretty companionable - he's enjoyed taking things in, occasionally nudging David when he wants to point something out or make a remark, but now he's silent because it feels like his throat is being squeezed.

The exhibit is about mining, but jeff is reminded instead of the tearing pain of a trap snapping shut on his leg, ripping through denim and skin. He wonders if any of them are fighting for their lives on that estate now. Fuck.

He doesn't quite mean to leave - he doesn't even seem to register David's eyes on his own abruptly paling face. Instead, wordless and fast, Jeff is turning and beelining for the men's bathroom on full autopilot.

Maybe if he hits himself with some cold water the ringing in his ears will stop.]

[hardlydead]

[ oh. fuck. ]

[ david hesitates for a moment, unsure what to do. this isn't a machete he can throw himself on, a punch he can take to get someone out, he doesn't really know what to do. but he has the good sense at least to not leave jeff alone, follows him after that moment to the bathroom, accidentally shoulder checks someone on their way out in his hurry but he doesn't stop to apologise. not that he would anyway. ]

So, uh. [ they should leave. that seems like the smart thing to do. like when the gates are almost powered but-- ] Fancy an early dinner? I'm thinking Indian. I could mur... [ ahem ] Fuckin' hoover down a curry I think.

[ it's a weak excuse to go, but he doesn't feel like this is the place to start asking jeff how he's doing. ]

[outerfringe]

[The bathroom is, thankfully, mostly empty - and the few that are in there are mostly polite enough to avert their eyes from the tall, heavily tattooed man gripping the edges of the sink with white knuckles.

Later, he'll be embarrassed, but right now he's just trying to get himself together.

Jeff casts a sidelong glance at David, his eyes uncharacteristically wide, hearing but not really comprehending what he says.]

Uh. Just - give me a minute.

[hardlydead]

[ fuck okay. david leans against the wall next to the sink and puts his hands in his pockets, hands clenched, desperate to reach out to touch jeff but he can't. he clenches his jaw, looking up at the others pretending not to notice jeff and then back to him. ]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[ he should've thought of this. the city holds its mining history close with a lot of pride, of course the museum exhibits would be vivid. too much. ]

[outerfringe]

[Drowning out his parents' fights, the screaming and slamming doors, had always been - well, not easy, but simpler. Loud music drowned it out in the moment; art became an escape from the memories that clung after the fact. He gained a reputation for stoicism that felt completely unearned. Felt fraudulent, no matter how much he tried to lean into it, to make it part of himself. Emotion didn't bounce off of him - he simply found ways to vent the worst of the pressure in private.

But this was too much. The dreams were still vivid - how often had his nightmares featured himself, back at the bonfire, realizing that his return to real life had simply been wishful thinking? How often had he closed his eyes just to see someone he'd come to consider a friend, impaled by black spiderlike legs ascending upward?

Two weeks after his return, a stranger had tapped his shoulder in an empty grocery store to ask him for help retrieving something from a high shelf, and for a second he'd been ready to throw his cart to the floor and run. It wasn't a healthy startle response.

Jeff splashes his face again, if only to try to mask some of the cold sweat with water, before he turns off the tap and shoves slightly trembling hands into his pocket. Doesn't speak, just swings his head to look at David, uncertain.]

[hardlydead]

[ david's face is set in a deep, worried frown. his protective instinct is well honed, but it's a physical one, one set to protect his friends from harm. it makes his adrenaline spike a little, makes him ready to fight anyone who even casts a look jeff's way, but that's not... that's not helpful. ]

[ they should leave. that's useful. he can do that, get jeff out of the museum. then somewhere quiet. private. ]

Let's get out of here, yeah?