outerfringe | @hardlydead

@hardlydead

[One day David simply stops appearing by the fire with the rest of them, and Jeff does his very best to be relieved for him. There are only two real possible reasons for that, right? Either he'd actually died for real, or he'd managed to find a way back home- and either way, it meant that he was out of this place. Jeff tries to be happy for him, and for the most part, he is.

He doesn't think about David at all the first day after he wakes up on the cold floor of the Ormond resort, back stiff and jacket crusted with frost. Instead he's too busy finding his way back to town, organizing arrangements to make it home. His apartment key no longer works, he recognizes none of his neighbors, but his bank account was still somehow in alright standing.

Jeff finds a new place. He does not find a new dog.

He feels weird about creating a Facebook account just to check for David, but he does it anyway. When that comes up fruitless, he thinks a lot about the conversations the two of them had while tucked close together in the dark. Wonders if David would even want to be found by someone like him, to be faced with a reminder of the time they'd spent doing everything they could to simply survive.

Jeff tries to paint but can't seem to pull himself out of severe blacks and reds. Tries to catch up on the music he'd missed from the bands he'd loved but it fails to soothe him the way it had before. He considers a therapist, and then decides that he'd be locked away the second he was candid enough for someone to actually help him.

So he packs some things, books a flight. Finds himself at his fifth seedy pub in three days without much hope - except this time when he says he's looking for David King, the big guy by the bar makes a point of sizing him up. Jeff sets his shoulders, frowns and promises that he's an old friend, but it doesn't seem to affect much the scowl on the guy's face. He says something (that Jeff completely misses, he can barely understand a goddamn thing when people here are drunk and loud), but seems to indicate for him to wait.

Which he does. He parks on a stool with a drink, assumes his most unapproachable aura, and waits. He doesn't know who he's expecting to appear, but it's not David.

There's not a chance it would actually be that simple.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm an early riser.

[Thinking.]

I sing on roadtrips. Badly.

Are we going on a roadtrip?

[ neither of those bother him. maybe they will after he's been around it a while, but right now? bad singing and sleeping in alone (because he will be going back to sleep) seems like no big deal. ]

Dunno.

[Jeff is trying to think of any more dealbreakers of his own, but coming up empty. Not because he thinks highly of himself - he mostly just considers himself a pretty boring guy.]

But okay, man. Your funeral.

[ david snorts and shakes his head. ]

Mate, if that's all you've got you don't even rank for the worst person I've been with.

[ for example: ]

Woke up to someone tryin' to steal my telly once.

[Jeff stares at him then, baffled.]

I - did they think they could do that quietly?

No idea what was going through her head. Five-four, heels in one hand, tryin' to slip a fifty inch telly outta my front door. Then when I asked what she was doing, she broke up with me! Looks me dead in the eyes and says, "David, this isn't gonna work out."

[ he starts laughing then, like it's one of the funniest things he's ever heard. ]

Almost gotta admire the balls honestly.

[Jeff is cracking up, too - not because it's particularly hilarious to him, but just because it's completely fucking absurd.]

You were heartbroken, yeah? Cried for weeks?

Oh yeah, could barely get out of bed.

[ he dips his head, presses a kiss to jeff's shoulder and stays there a moment before he goes on. ]

But what I'm saying is you're gonna have to work harder than getting up early if you want me out of your bed.

[Jeff chuckles at that, the sound low as he takes a moment to appreciate the closeness. He's not usually overtly flirtatious, but this next bit feels safe to playfully say-]

As if anyone would want you out of their bed.

[ there's some easy self-deprecation on the tip of his tongue, but he's so used to jeff erring on the less flirtatious side of things that it throws david off and a quietly surprised chuckle slips out of him. ]

I hope you still feel that way when you've been putting up with me a while.

[ there's still a smile on david's face when he lifts his head to search out jeff's face for a kiss. just a quick one, for now. ]

[Jeff reaches up to catch David's face, pulls him in for a second. Just as gentle and quick, but full of quiet gratitude.]

You secretly kick puppies? Say mean things to grandmas?

No on the puppies. [ he shrugs a shoulder ] Sometimes those grannies have it coming though.

Yeah. Fair. [Amused.]
What are you so worried about, then?

Who said I was worried?

[ you know, as if his language hasn't been casually self-deprecating and defeatist this entire time. ]

[Jeff is an observer by nature. Sharing those observations is often uncomfortable, weird, but now-

He frowns.]

Dunno. You kind of talk like you're waiting for me to realize I'm doing something I'll regret.

I-- Fuck are you on about?

[ he laughs nervously, shaking his head. there's a wall that's been down with jeff, well a lot of them really, but one comes right back up at that because it's ridiculous. obviously. why would jeff regret this? every single thought that's crossed david's mind about why he's not really such a catch slips right out of his head. ]

[ though, ironically, that's one of the reasons right there. ]

[Jeff watches him, expression neutral but brow furrowed, before he shrugs dismissively.]

Nonsense, I guess. Don't mind me.

[ he really wants to fight about it, it's obvious in the way his back straightens and the set of his jaw, but david just about manages not to. but it leaves him floundering a little, he doesn't know how to recover this situation. with anyone else he'd laugh it off, make a joke, but that feels wrong for some reason. ]

Yeah... Okay.

[ he clears his throat ]

So, uh. Any idea what you wanna do?

[He's trying not to let it be too obvious, just how closely he's watching David, how much he notices that change in posture and the set of his jaw. Jeff can't really dismiss the feeling that he's made a serious misstep, here- but he shrugs slightly at the question, if only because there's not really much else for him to do there.]

Didn't really make any other plans. Uh. Could probably find some touristy shit to do, I'm sure. Or museums or something.

[He's so utterly ambivalent, but he doesn't want to just offer nothing.]

[ museums are nice. david nods, smiles but it's another one of those that don't reach his eyes, and pulls himself up to go recover his shirt. (one day he'll wear it again.) pausing when he has it in his hands, thumbs rubbing circles over the fabric-- of all the things to go through his mind, he can hear rik's fucking voice calling him out on being the same avoidant piece of shit he's always been (in a nicer, much more roundabout way, mind,) and david sighs. he owes jeff better than this. ]

Look, I-- [ he looks down at the shirt in his hands and exhales. here fucking goes. ] I'm a loudmouth, never learned to back down from a fight but I sure as fuck learned to start 'em, never learned when to stop drinking neither. I can't cook-- barely got my shit together when it comes to cleaning up after myself.

[ it all tumbles out, almost doesn't stop for breath. he knows what's wrong with him and it's not a short list, this is all surface level shit really but it pushes people away. hardly anyone gets to know him well enough for the deeper issues to factor in. ]

[ ... but there's one big thing he keeps trying to avoid, but that one... jeff needs to know that. david takes a deep breath, eyes cast down and away. he doesn't think he's ever even said the words out loud. ]

I'm, uh... I'm gay, but I've never told anyone. And I've only been with one bloke other than you.

[ he could laugh honestly, it's not even everything, but it's something right? something that explains why he's the way he is, why he expects jeff to walk away once he gets to know him. ]

[ as an afterthought, with the barest hint of humour, he adds: ] Oh-- and my degree's in Classics. Barely passed too 'cause I was putting all my time into rugby.

[Jeff falls silent when it starts to spill out. Goes still, but his expression is attentive while he watches David, letting him just talk. None of the first bits surprise him, really, if only because those are all extremely human faults. Definitely not dealbreakers.

The actual confession mostly just makes his chest ache for David's sake. He doesn't really have much of a way to commiserate there - he'd recognized his own bisexuality pretty young, and that was only one of a million things he'd never bothered discussing with his parents.

He'd had the luxury of his own sexuality being entirely inconsequential.

Jeff stands up, face still carefully neutral while he approaches. If allowed, he'll just pull David close in a way that's a little clumsy, but absolutely sincere.]

Why'd you go into Classics?

[what does that even mean, he went to art school]

[ there's a hint of panic to his expression when jeff stands, that same kind as when he'd stumbled over apologies after a bottle of acrid whiskey and a fumbled attempt at a kiss. he feels a need to apologise and walk it back that's intense enough it forms a painful lump in his throat. ]

[ but then jeff pulls him close and david relaxes into it, slips his arms around him in turn and buries his face against jeff's shoulder. ]

I liked the stories.

[ he says it with a weak laugh, it feels stupidly childish. but it's more or less the truth. ]

Good reason.

[His voice is soft, gentle as he presses a kiss to the side of David's head. Squeezes him a little more tightly, lingers quietly there for a bit, before trying-]

Doesn't bother me, you know. Our business is our business. If you want people to know we're- whatever, or not. Not gonna hurt my feelings, if you're worried about that.

[He gets it, how it could be important for a lot of people. Most people. But Jeff was always a pretty private guy before the fog, and it didn't exactly change his outlook on that.]

[ god he's so fucking lucky, he doesn't even understand it. it's terrifying in some ways, david doesn't think he'd do well if he lost this a second time. not now that it's real. now he's opened up like this. ]

I... think that's shit I've gotta figure out still.

[ he doesn't think he wants to go parading jeff around, for starters he's pretty sure jeff would hate that, but he doesn't want to feel like he has to hide all the time either. ]

[Lucky is the last thing that Jeff would have ever called either of them. He's not sure what they are (though with that admission, it does feel a lot more like they are something), but he does know that people usually get a shot at happiness without the trauma bonding to go with it.

He nods mutely, rubs David's arm while he does.]

Yeah, man. Take your time.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject